Hello again. So did you do your lists?
Today I’m writing about an aspect that keeps people feeling stuck in a perpetual state of loneliness and that is the hope that someone will come along and rescue them. Does this ring true for you? Or parts of it?
I’m often struck by the emotionally unhealthy memes I see on Facebook that are written to say someone completes them, or that they need someone to rescue them or love them as they are unconditionally. There are many songs out there that are written about this topic as well. Lady Gaga’s song “the Cure”is about this as well. Not healthy.
If you are waiting for someone to save you or complete you or make you feel whole, you will be delaying living your life to the fullest. It will also stop you from dealing with your chronic feelings of loneliness.
Why do you ask?
Well, to start with, if we make our life revolve around a single (romantic partner) person, we will be dependent on that person. We will need to give up all our freedom and control to that person as well as a lot of our needs and things that make us happy just to get that person to give us what we need.
Does that sound appealing? No.
You might be thinking, but if they love me they’ll be happy and give me what I want back.
The reality is a big fat no they won’t.
Generally, a healthy person will fight against being made the center of someone’s world. No one would want that responsibility. (imagine you are responsible for another person’s mental health and happiness! That is a huge responsibility, it is often called parenting).
You might think, isn’t it loving that I do everything they want me to do, then they’ll give me what I want? No! A healthy person knows how to meet their own needs. They usually get into a relationship with someone to SHARE their life. They want another person’s different views, ideas, ways of life and opinions. They want a person who can share new things. Plus, the healthy person, wants to continue to do what they want, not have to meet the needs of another person. Healthy couples have their own life and learn how to integrate share with a partner. Healthy relationships one person is not doing for another person on all aspects and consistently.
Another way to look at this, is why wouldn’t you just meet your own needs? Think about it. How inefficient is it to go out and try meet another human beings needs, while compromising your own. Then they return the favor, by denying their own needs to take care of yours. If you call this LOVE this is not a health way of looking at love. It is also highly inefficient and will be fraught with conflict.
So, to review, what does it exactly mean if you think you want someone to rescue you? DO you really want to put your life on hold until this mythical person comes along? Are you willing to take the risk of putting your life and well being into another’s care? What might it look like if you starting to rescue or save yourself? How might it be if you found that you could be happy and healthy and enjoy life on your own?
Upcoming articles:
Do you feel really needy?
The danger of thinking only one person can give you love and make you feel complete
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