February 17th 2019

Posted on February 17, 2019

February 17th 2019

So have you started to build your relationship with your target activity or interest? Have you started to “date”? It is a challenge, right?

Today I wanted to talk about time and being “too busy”. Many of my clients as we start on this journey will discuss and complain that they are too busy to be exploring these activities. They’ll claim no time and that this can’t be how to make a better life.

The complaint of no time is a complex one. When I just practically start to break down people’s lives and how they spend their time they often feel defensive. The goal isn’t to shame them but rather wake them up to how they are spending their precious time and is the quality of that time spent any good.

For many clients both married/partnership or single, a common way to spend time is to be spending vast amounts of time on their phone. The phone is spent in YouTube videos, Facebook, reading shallow superficial articles. They might just be googling random stuff with no purpose or meaning. Many spend a lot of time playing video games or Facebook games. When I point this out they’ll say they are stressed-out tired etc. They need downtime. But the quality is low, it eats into their meaningful relationships and cuts down on their sleep. Doing high quality nourishing down time takes energy. I empathize that you are tired but this is cannot be an excuse.

For my singletons, many when they first start therapy, spend vast amounts of time on dating apps and whatsapp chatting or app chatting with complete strangers. The amount of time, when it is added up is often shocking to my clients. Then on top of that the amount of time spent agonizing over what they said or didn’t say or if the person did or didn’t respond is huge. The funny part, is that they don’t speak on the phone or rarely meet but will call this a relationship. This is not how you build a relationship, chatting over text with someone you don’t know, nor how you build a quality life.

So once we identify these huge time suckers, clients next need to really look at what is it that these activities are giving them. More importantly, is what are the activities taking from them.

For today’s exercise, I want you to look, hard and serious how you spend your downtime. Really look at the quality. Look at the excuses you use to rationalize them. How much do you want something more.