May 20th 2019

Posted on May 20, 2019

May 20th 2019

If you are reading this from Singapore, today is a public holiday! Happy Holiday and I hope you are enjoying your day off. Thank you for reading this blog.

Our last blog we started with a key an ingredient for doing boundaries which is learning to recognize and process our feelings. Did you start paying more attention to whether you thinking feelings or thoughts? What did you learn? How diverse were the feelings you had?

When you start becoming aware of your feelings, you may start being surprised by the rang of feelings. Sometimes, people have ideas that certain feelings are bad or unacceptable. Do you have this? Are there certain feelings that you learned growing up or as a part of your culture you were taught are bad or not acceptable?

For many men, feeling fear is a “bad” or unacceptable emotion for them to feel. Women are often taught that being angry or expressing anger is not an acceptable female emotion. Unfortunately, these types of beliefs really handicap individuals in learning about themselves and their needs as well as establishing boundaries.

All feelings are real and need to be respected. This, however, does not mean that feelings are facts, nor does it mean that we get to act impulsively or unconsciously on our feelings. Feelings are just another source of data about how we are experiencing the world and the people we are interacting in.

If you grew up being told you couldn’t feel certain feelings such as fear, or anger or may be sadness or even hurt, how do you think this might impact you in building your boundaries or interacting with people? If you can’t feel certain feelings, you could be vulnerable to others. You may also not recognize these feelings in other people. How might that affect your relationships?

So, for this period, start to think about if there are any feelings that you are not allowed to feel or were told that are bad. Identify those feelings and challenge those belief. Ask yourself how this might be making you less effective in relationships or harming you.