February 9th 2019

Posted on February 10, 2019

February 9th 2019

Hi there. So did you do your reflections from the 6th of February?

One of the most important ways to build self love and learn how to enjoy your own company time on your own is to find and develop a relationship with an activity. Notice I said a “relationship” with an activity. When I start talking with my clients about building pillars in their life, they’ll often say they have things to do or they don’t have hobbies. They’ll say they go to gym or they’ll random pick up a book to read. They’ll often have very people centric activities, such as hanging out, going out for lunch or drinks.

What they often describe is activities that they do to kill time between people centric activities or romantic relationship activities. Are you very people dependent? Do too many of your activities require someone to join you or do something with you? If so, this is going to be a unsustainable for you to develop relationship with yourself in the long term.

So when I say develop a relationship with an activity or interest, I literally mean that. It is very different than just killing time or just randomly doing something. It is different than going to the gym and banging out mindless 30 minutes on the treadmill or do a yoga class every now and then.

It is really building a relationship. So, lets break this down a bit because perhaps your confused on do you build a relationship with an interest or activity?

Well, what happens when we are starting a relationship? We think about that person all the time. We figure out how to make time for them. We start to do calculations of what is really important and what we are willing to give up to make time to meet that person. For most of my clients, almost every day in some capacity they spend time thinking or doing something for the relationship. They often have struggle, frustration, sadness, rejection, joy and happiness.

Well, in developing a relationship with an activity or interest, it is exactly the same thing.  I want you to get all those relationship needs, sufferings and joy from something that you find, that will be a long-term project is more than 5-10 years that you will develop. I want you consumed with how you will do that activity or interest. Everyday, in some capacity I want you dedicating time, mental thought and energy or actual activity to that interest.

You might be thinking now…well I don’t have anything that consumes that me that much and I simply don’t have the time.

First on the current issue and I’ll do another blog for that, but yes, you’ll need to work hard and suffer to find this interest. Think of replacing tinder and other dating apps with the need to your activity. Think how hard you look for a romantic partner…and at the end of that searching what do you get ? Often nothing. Well, redirect that dating app intensity to building your life and finding something you are interested in.

Second, I don’t accept that you have no time. People waste huge amounts of time. Most of the time wasted is often stuck in their head being anxious or worrying. They don’t realize how much of there is lost looking at video games, swiping on dating apps, reading Facebook or other non-useful activites often to kill time and manage anxiety.

So for your homework today, think about this concept of relationships. Start thinking about how to develop a relationship with an interest or activity. It is really isn’t any different than building it with a person. Happy thinking and reflecting.