April 13th 2019

Posted on April 13, 2019

April 13th 2019

Today is Saturday, you may not being reading this on a Saturday, but any day will do. One of the most common self-limiting beliefs that makes loneliness worse is believing that someone will save you or rescue you. Usually people that feel lonely have the belief that one special person out there will be there true soul mate and sooth all their pain and make them feel complete.

Many fairy tales and movies are built on this notion. Think of the movies or stories of Cinderella, Sleep Beauty and Snow White. Many modern television shows and movies are built this. I see memes on Facebook promoting. Often many dating coaches encourage people to keep looking for that special someone who will complete them and make them whole.

Many people would consider this to be romantic. Clinically and human developmentally it is not healthy. There is nothing romantic about a half developed person relying on another half person to complete. It is not romantic to think of someone being saved and putting all their well-being into the hands of another person who they cannot control. This makes someone very vulnerable and ultimately very unstable. They become unstable because, no matter how you try, no matter how perfect, good, attractive, funny, rich, thin or smart you try to be, you cannot make someone take care of you…especially if it comes at the other person’s own needs or goals. The attempts to get them to stay with you or take care of you make you very unstable and lots of ugly drama will ensue.

Unfortunately, many people, perhaps yourself included, may have come from well intentioned families who were not able to provide the love, consistency and emotional development need to make to the person feel competent and capable to take care of their own needs and be whole and complete.

Many people, to varying degrees may struggle with feeling good enough and whole. Many people do not believe in their own intrinsic self-worth. They don’t know if they are good enough until someone else tell them. This is very difficult for the person. They have to leave the self worth in the hands of someone else. No one should do this and it will increase your loneliness.

So if this sound familiar to you or in some way resonates, start to think about how you know you are enough? Do you feel good about yourself. Do you know that deep down you are intrinsically a worth while person deserving of love, kindness and good things in life?

If you find you are struggling to answer this, this may be a factor in your loneliness. If you feel that you need others to remind you are value you, you may feel often insecure and perhaps even out of control.

What I want you to do is start to write down things that YOU like about yourself. No matter how big or small. Write down what you like about yourself.