Today I want to talk about an important but often overlooked skill to help you manage yourself and deal with being alone without being lonely. That skill is self-soothing.
All people struggle with feeling bad at times. One way we feel better is to seek out the company of another trusted person to talk with or just get a hug. Having comforting people in our lives to share difficult times and get comfort and empathy in return are important.
But what if you are alone? What do you do when you are feeling bad and there is no one to turn to? How do you handle that?
There are 2 aspects to this. One is we have an internal soothing voice and the other is to do soothing activities to make oneself feel better.
Do you have either skill?
Before you can apply self-soothing, you need to be able to recognize you feel bad. That is step one.
So, let’s say you are having dinner on your own. You may have had either a good day or crap day. Either way, as you are eating you look around and all sudden it really hits you, you are alone. You have no one to share your day with.
What do you do? Do have a soothing voice or a harsh logical voice? If you have a logical voice that is harsh it may say, well suck it up, no one wants to be with you. You are all sad and this is your punishment…if you have a voice that is harsh, I want you to challenge you to stop.
Instead, imagine a good friend. How would speak to them? This is how you want to speak to yourself. Identify the feeling and give YOURSELF empathy. State how it is sad to be alone. It is hard to not have one anyone to share your day with. Be kind and sympathetic. Speak to yourself with the love and care you would a friend or a person. Use compassion on yourself.
Next step is to then identify something small that might make you feel better. We need to self sooth and make ourselves feel better. In that moment, how can your sooth yourself? Would be going for a walk? Watching a favorite Netflix show? How about going and getting a foot massage or buying yourself some flowers.
Whatever it is, just do something to acknowledge your feelings and make yourself feel better. We need to learn how to sooth ourselves. This develops are sense of self-worth. We are worthy of kindness. We must start with ourselves.
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