Welcome to June. Are you ready for summer? I know it seems to have snuck up on me.
Summer months can be something that we look forward to because they are so filled with promise and yet, it can activate feelings of loneliness. How prepared are you for summer?
One of the subtle aspects that can contribute to feelings of loneliness are when we project imagined feelings of others into reality that we want. What do I mean with this?
Often, I’ll have clients tell me how they look around and they see couples everywhere. They’ll be getting a coffee in coffee shop and see a man and woman have a coffee together. The couple is behaving in a manner that suggest they are intimate. They are smiling, laughing, and making physical contact. My client will then imagine what that couple is feeling. This is often quite unconscious. My client will image that this couple is having feelings of love and connection and acceptance. She will imagine it in a strong way that she would like to experience. Unknowingly she’ll give this couple a life in her mind of how they feel. Then contrast it with it what she is lacking and missing. Often making herself feel worse.
The client will want those feelings. The client will not realize that s/he has no way to know whether the couple have those feelings or those experiences as experienced by client. My client will think they do and want them. They will feel that everyone in a couple feels like that and that they do not have that.
This is called projection. It is when we imagine someone else to have feelings and thoughts that feel so real it feels as though that it is a fact. These types of projections can make us feel more lacking or missing out. Especially if you have projections about other people having feelings and experiences in relationships that you are not.
Does this make sense? Pay attention if you do this?
Often with projection, because they are largely fantasy filled with bits of reality, it can be quite powerful and real feeling. We all know want what the movies show of us of falling in love. So, when you see a couple doing some aspect of that, it is easy to imagine that they are getting. When in fact, you have no idea. When we are alone, we unconsciously, may make our self-feel worse by point out how “everyone else has someone and I don’t “. This is not helpful and prevents you from seeing things more accurately and self-soothing yourself.
So, going forward with this summer, watch how much you imagine other people having better lives or experiences than you do. This isn’t helpful to you. Instead focus on being kind and soothing to yourself. Be open to new experiences and feelings.
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